Reminiscence

High school graduation back on 2009. I do really want to rewind my lifetime back starts at this graduation, and backwards.

"There's no such thing as pausing your life because if there is, I'd definitely press the rewind button." - A brilliant quote from my brilliant long time best friend, Anggia Pramudhita.

I have somekind of trouble, a sort of addiction about a thing called memory. I'm wondering alone, lying on my bed, and thinking if I have a power to manipulate a time. I really want to go back to my past and I can see my future. Kinda daydreaming, but I just couldn't accept the real fact that we can't turn back the time, it won't come back. And I do still wondering that on the future someday, I could find a store that selling a time machine. Time machine sounds very interesting for me. I see it on the movie, I see it on Doraemon cartoon. Yes, call me weird.

Reminiscences are painful. I divide memory into a two big lines; good memory and bad memory. And if you guys wondering, which part of my life that I really wish I could go back, rebuild and refix it ? Obviously, it's my high school time. I got too much bittersweet memories on that green building; SMA Negeri 46 Jakarta. That place totally taught me how to convert my damn-freakin-childish mindset into a better one; well am not sure my mindset has totally changed at the moment because I do still thinking that I act childish everytime.

I was a so-so high school student. I was just a mediocre, I haven't had to widen up my "temporary existence" by joining the prefect department (or in Indonesian, we called it Organisasi Siswa Intra Sekolah ; as it shortened as OSIS), I was an underdog, somekind of bad students mocked me. Yes they did. I wasn't mad, I didn't have to, I was just thinking that they might being envious with me. I wasn't that smart on high school, I was on social science class but I fucking loathe accounting subject, I was a rebel; I fought with my nationality law teacher because she mocked me that time and I couldn't tolerate it anymore. At last, I locked her mouth.

I never have an intention to enter the science class, most of Indonesian stereotype speaks that; "Wow, students in science class must be smarter than the others." and I was like excuse me ? We're equal right after we graduate from this school, man. Come on. I against stereotype. Because something rare is a thing that could make me stand out. I was an occasional silent student, depends on the place. Sort of bad memories I had was on my 10th grade, where I was on a same class with 4 fucking lame students; they mocked me, they underestimate me and yeah, it was quite hurting me and I was like OK man, do what you want to me now but just don't be regret if I defeat you guys on my future. And I proved it. I don't have to write what happened on that 4 lame students (sort of my ex-classmates & best friends might knows who they are), but thank God because I am now standing way way in front of them. The wheel of life is totally moving.

Great memories started when I turned into 11th grade on the social science class. I just think that the chemistry is stronger on grade 11 and 12 because all the students stayed in the same class until our graduation. I had so much great memories here with my classmates. They might often mocking me, but I wasn't that mad like on the 10th grade, because the circumstance were way better than my 1st year. Lots of laughs I had on my 2nd and 3rd year of my high school, until that day called graduation day came, and I gotta face the reality that I gotta wake up, I gotta move on. It's pretty difficult for me to evict my high school memories from my head but I just couldn't have to.

A simple analogy of windows on the car. Just think that windshield as your future, and the rearview mirror as your past. You are required to focus by looking forward on your future without forgetting your past.